I feel like is coming onto me, this sadness and everything related to it. I might burst in tears and not knowing it. I am looking forward speaking with her today, and understand what is going on.
I have a cat, her name is Blue, and this should bring me joy more than worry. I think I m not really a common person, I have too much responsibility on my shoulders, or better I add too much responsibility on my shoulders, like for example with this kitten.
It should be very simple, so why am I complicating it?
I should enjoy more, having such a kitty and a pleasant company and worry less.
I wish I knew how to do that, perhaps practice is the answer.
Seems like I am not a determined person, or at least I fell like I am not.
I am not able to keep a simple day to day plan to improve the quality of my life.
What does this say about me? That I am weak, I do not have the discipline, or the power to take the right decisions for me.
I do not have power to say NO, to basic things. How can I expect anything good to happen from this ? I need to find a balance, I need to start over. I have it anyway. So at least I should fight it while I can.
Maybe there will be no impact, there is no cure for this, but at least I am doing something against it , not only accepting the failure.
I need to restart, more courageous than ever.
Already September, time flies! And as always good habits go away very quickly, and this is why there is never enough time to do the things we like, such as writing.
I want to remember some good times now, I want to remember moments of relaxation and moments of fun, connecting with other people.
I want to remember August month when I was off for a week in green place, surrounded by new and nice people and learning more and more about the depth of God and his love for us.
I am good at making new friends I think, not sure how good I am in keeping them, but perhaps this is a question for them :)
This time is about me, and only about me, let s see if I can do this.
Other people did this so I feel pretty confident I shall be able to do the same.
Is just hard when you start, but then it should be like riding a bike.
I had 2 good days and results are already there, this is encouraging , we shall see what happens next.
Getting ready for a new week at work, I hope for the best, next week - Holiday baby!
Excited as always, but undecided a bit.
This time the dream is about me and only me.
Is a fresh day today , and i am starting a new thing, determination and discipline and i will make it.
This is a new chapter in my life and i am committed.
This weekend, although it was a pretty dark one, had some celebration time with couple of friends and people from church, celebrating a marriage. I did not expect to have a good time because of my mood mainly, but somehow I ve managed to overcome it, and I had a very good time, enjoyed it with old and new friends.
It s nice to be part of marriage ceremonies , you get to understand more and more about marriage and happiness, but also you feel joy for those who are doing this great step
As usual since a couple of days I have discovered the miracle that is Carna , which is a small village in the South of Romania, near the Danube river, where people are very poor and where there is a lot of love to give.
This is why every year in summer and winter a group of people are going there and I was taking part as well.
There were many things happening that week, and this is why I was not even included in the original plan to go, but then a miracle happened and I was able to be there for just 2 days and a half ( Friday to Sunday) .
It was like coming back home :) days of joy and worship with brothers and sisters:
So it was again my birthday 11 days ago, and this time it was not necessary a very happen one. My sister has some challenges with her health so we were in between all of that , with my mum trying to also celebrate my birthday.
But still it was a good day, it started off on Friday with some surprises from my friends in church, and then went on, during Sunday will multiple gifts from various close friends.
Monday I came in office and spent my entire day with my new team, and the biggest surprise was a huge number of flowers received still from my friends in church and another one from my mum and sis, which was beautiful as well.
This time it was a bit different than previous years, as I did not have the time to think about me , and time passing by, and other things like that.
I ve been pretty busy with many other things, but all in all I felt loved and appreciated by everyone, so it was a very good time!
Seems like once again I ve started to get very busy with my day to day activities, and I have very little time to actually put my thoughts down here on a clear and white paper let s say.
It s been a busy week, and it is now a new one, that is planned to be the same.
This weekend was very special for two main reason, one is that it was my sister's birthday, and secondly because it was the wedding of my best friend.
It was excellent time, and pics will follow soon.
With no particular reason, I want to celebrate today , and be happy! :D
All is well , my family and friends are with me, and I am surrounded by God's grace, so why not celebrate?
Had very good conversations, clarified what was left to clarify with various people, and I have some small good news around my hearing:)
I ve ended my last post most probably in a melancholic or even sad tone, and this is due to the many thoughts and feelings I was having around the matter discussed.
I ve come to realize yesterday, that this brought also an opportunity , to be vulnerable with other persons, so that the point of view is easily understood.
And this is exactly what I ve done.
It took a bit of courage, and it took a moment to defeat the fear, and for sure it will take more in the following days, but all in all I think this is the right approach.
Giving the chance to speak up to various people in order to clarify misunderstandings and share thoughts.
Personally I feel much better now that I ve done this, but to be honest I m also thinking if I ve added burden to the other person with the things I ve said.
This is why a follow up conversation is required, and this is being planned as we speak, we will search and see the day and time for it.
For the rest of the things...I m still taking one day of the time, I am still there in my mind where I was last week, which is close to my God.
I am able to have some small amount of tears these days, most probably from the medicines, but this is also reassuring me that I am not dead inside:) and that I have some feelings.
My heart and my soul continues to be very very close to my Creator, and this gives me tremendous Joy. I wonder how to keep this state once I am back in my routine, work, home, friends and other activities.
I know for sure I do not want to loose what I ve gained so far.
These are 3 things that I am feeling today, based just on a group discussion around God.
I thought I am an open person, but I am learning I am not really as I like to believe I am. I realized that when I lack arguments, I tend to become aggressive with the interlocutor, and this is not necessary adding any value to the discussion.
I also noticed that I did not like the discussion how it happened, and only hearing the same argument over and over again.
I felt offended, because I felt I was not heard, and every time I wanted to say something I received more and more questions.
I do not think a debate should contain only questions, and same answers, I think we should have the time to prepare and document our arguments as well.
I felt also simple minded, because I do not understand why I should focus on learning about theology that much instead of living my life close to Him! What is the matter with gathering information around God and arguments to justify my faith when I am not living with Him on a daily basis.
I was called non coherent just because I do not want to accept something that today I believe is not right... but I think I am coherent to my God.
It was tiring, and frustrating a bit to talk with someone that already has made his mind up, and anything I will say will anyway be too much of a short argument,
I m happy the discussion ended after a while, but I know I could have done better,
I will investigate the matter to see what comes out :)
Lord I just wish we receive healthy food from our teachers! Protect us from a wrong theology and guide us more to a life lived with You!
Seems like I ve been a bit busy for a couple of days, with some parties and some important events, but I am now back on track with small updates for me, on what happened in the meanwhile.
I had a special event, for two of my excellent friends, who got married yesterday, and I had a chance to be part of a lovely ceremony, and a great time for lunch with family.
She is just my best friend, and some of the posts on this blog have her included cause she is that special for me. It is a fresh relationship, and is one from which I ve learnt a lot , and I had a chance to grow personally and spiritually, I cherish very much the days and the things we spent together.
Now she is starting a new life with her loved one, a man who is a great pair for her, and it feels like they were meant to be. It is very reassuring to see good things happen to people who are faithful and wait, for good things.
Also I had a chance to witness their marriage, and now they call us Good mother :) I am very happy and responsible for them now, I need to prepare and see what is it that I need to do, to be able to support them in their new journey.
Today it was about simple things but at the same time authentic ones, like the picture at the end of this post. Seems like the lady who is in charge of this balcony is experiencing joy in simple things, such as taking care of flowers and land, to have such beautiful view.
I know she takes pride in this, and I also do :)
is nice to be home with my mum and the dogs, it s been such a long time since this happened, I am actually enjoying it.
With everything else, I am ok, surviving and taking each day of the time:)
tomorrow I will have more answers around what is going on with me, but I am keeping my hopes up, and things will be fine.
God is in control, nothing is happening outside His knowledge! that gives me good courage!
My week in the hospital ended :) I am back home surrounded by happy things and family members, and my lovely dogs.
Is good to be back home to your comfort and surrounded by your things .
I am happy and I want to celebrate it! :d
Over and out!
I have been thinking of this song all afternoon yesterday and it goes on today.
Is a Mandy Moore song called Only hope.
Makes me think of happy thoughts while I m going through the lyrics.
I am expriencing many positive emotions seems like I am full in my heart and I feel the beats of the heart strong and clear often times. Perhaps this is the medicine effect or something else.
I think I ll be going home tomorrow so my vacation will probably end .
Scary? A bit I ve strarted to like it here. We shall see.
All is well and God is providing in wonderful
The countdown continues here in the retreat, this is day 7 and still 3 more days to go.
I kind of like it here , I like the routine nothing to complain, as I said I am adaptable or so it seems.
The results that I received so far are not as bad as expected, of course there are opportunities for improvement , but once again I am keeping myself up and positive.
I am enjoying the time of reading , introspection and prayer . Feels like is so much better than home . I am ready to move back to Floresti I think as i realized I have been missing my quite time.
I love her mum:( and I felt such lack of power today , but such sense of love when I ve heard her talking. Our mum s are some of the stronger creatures that God created. Lord I am so thankful for the fact that we have them and that we still have family. Help me cherish them and love thet with all I am.
I ve started to dream a bit so I am re reading Mary Poppins, I use to read her when I was almost a teenager. I remembered this week I used to be fascinated with her so I want to relieve the moment. Also I had a nice memory while testing here, a memory from my childhood when I was actually sitting with friends , kids mostly, on the flat corridors between floors, with blankets and dolls playing:) cause outside was raining.
We use to sit hours on the tough floor and played different games. Neighbours probably smilled at us when crossing. Those were the pleasures of the day. Today there is not much difference. I realise the pleasure of the day is quite similar, friends and quite places.
This is simply what we need
And i bow in awe
End of the week or beginning, depends on how you want to look at it. I am waiting for a new week full of new things and experiences. It has been a good one as well in a retreat this time we can say a national one.
I believe my hearing is coming back. I ve started to hear some noises in my left year, they are just like small small Seads cracking or perhaps they are in my mind only. We will see once they will take me to another audiometr. I had so many visitors while I was here , it was like everyone looked for me and it feelt nice. I felt loved by everyone and I am very grateful.
I know I will be fine as God is at work and everything is working as per his plan.
Cause yeah He has one!
I need just to remember one thing going further. Things are not about me , they are simply about Him and His glory.
I have some thinking to do around my life my investments in time and financials. Is time for another turn, this time is a new Dream
But a Dream for Him and no longer for me. I need guidance what does this mean , how can all be planned and started..but I know this one is for His Glory not for my needs.
God please help me get inspired and kick off the story of my life written and directed only by You. I will follow the script, cause I want to honor You, and magnify You!
In Jesus Name I thank you for everything and everyone you allowed in my earthly life.
Another day is almost gone, good Saturday spent still in the hospital we can say is day 5. I am adaptable it seems to various conditions so that is very good. Again I have a good wish for a shower and i think I will run tomorrow.
My mum and sis are a real blessing they have been so helpful these days. They are here every time helping me , bringing me comfort and good food.
It s been a very long time since I have felt so loved by them and in such a good harmony. This is a blessing. Then Gabi she is just a dear one , always smiling and doing her best. She is good in nature, I start to appreciate her more and more as time goes by. I am fascinated by the good thoughts she has . Blessed here as well through grace and no merit.
Adelina amazing how sweet she can be this lady. She Is amazing. Full of love and always caring. I am humbled by the gifts God has given me in terms of relations. Feels like my heart is about to burst of good vibes. It is almost hurting when I see and feel the care of all these people. And these are just the ones from today. Did not even manage to count the blessings From yesterday and the day before and the day before.
Thank you!
As today was not special only for me but also for others I want to have a thought around love and miracles in love .The couple that got married today are just amazing, they are fit and perfect for each other and they were able to find themselves in the group and in the churh
There were 2 moments I ve liked most in the online service today, the entrance of the bride, I think it was one of the best ones I be ever seen. The music was something I really enjoyed and the look on the groom who was so nervous and almost crying.
And then I loved when the bride sang to the loved one. It was such an intense moment of music and love that I barely could hold on to my tears .I wish them all the best and many blessings .
Somehow after their story and what I ve witnens today, I felt like there is something there for me too. That I deserve happiness and that God will provide .
Is not good for the man to be alone, this is why they made him a proper help. I need to believe this more often.
I was created for God and for someone down here. And in the right course of time He will discover everything ,
I will be waiting till then.
The love of God is there every day through different means. Is a smile, a hand, or simply care from someone.
Today this day was about the love of God.
Finally had a chance to take a shower yei that felt awesome. Then spent time with my mum and sis and it was good one like in the past. This is quality time we had not experienced in a very long time.
Then rollercoaster of visits. People from work Gabi and Nuti , people from church Cristi, Coco, Cristina, Niki, Teo, Zisu, Vero.
Wow amazing!
I am blessed to be sorrounded with all these brothers and sisters. I felt God s family at work.
I am good and confident.
God is faithful with his children 😆
Fourth day and counting . I like counting and keeping track of things. I like measuremements cause I be been working with them. They give me good indication when I am off balance. Specially in couple of areas today I am out of balance and measurement should have told me that I need to start changing something. But I was not looking and therefore no change was done.
Now is the time when this option of doing nothing is no longer available. Now is the time when measurement will need to be kept and follow through.
Am i an ambitious person? Or I m just a lazy one? Some might say I am ambitious because I have done things in my life till date, but personally when I look at things that matter I do not think I was as ambitious as I should have. Perhaps this is something to be further thought of.
The night when by pretty slow. My new room mates have heavy snoring problems so I felt blessed I could not hear with one ear at a certain point.
I am more optimistic today about things than I was yesterday. I switched a bit on a sad Lane and thank God he sent me a good friend when I exactly needed her...
Amazing how God is taking care of every little detail of our lifes.
I hope today will be a good day, an no bad news , bad things would happen.
I know his Grace is enough for me to live a live rejoicing in His presence.
I choose today to live happy in His presence.
Today my third day in a public hospital in Romania so i am learning a new dimension of service and being served.
I can not complain a lot cause things have been good so far people are nice doing theiir job as best as they can. The surprise was the difference between private and public, I felt it on my own blood vessels so to say. But I got used to it.
It is amazing how quickly we just get use to it. This is the drill we learn it and adapt.
Is a bit scary to be here and see so many peopeople going into surgery coming back and so on. I am just trying to cope and help if I need.
I just take my medicine once per day directly in my blood and that s it. I sit quietly and try not to cause problems for anyone including myself.
In terms of my problems there seems to be something that needs to be checked and reviewed in another MRI , which is a bit scary. I had a quick emotional rollercoaster earlier and thought my life might end very sudden.
Surprise was i got scared and I felt the tears approaching. The good news , I am not emotionally numb, I am just not showing everything as everyone else does. I am handling emotions differently.
Now till I will find out what is wrong with me I need to try to live my life differently like ...I have very little time. And see what actions and reactions I would have to that.
As I am writing this my heart skips some bits.
The reality is that I am being broken. Gentle in a loving way but broken.
I am learning to live with God differently than before . I am no longer invincible through my powers. I will be invincible through Him.
I want to embrace the form of the cross. I want to be like Him and honor what He did for me.
I know that without Him I am helpless. SonGod please stay with me, be my shield like you always were. Guide me and protect me like you always did.
I do not want to worry in vain , help me be wise.
In Jesus name I pray
I keep on trying in and out...I think there was a song with such lyrics, this is the best I can remember right now, and I am too lazy to make an effort and search for more lyrics, but probably some of you if curious enough will do this on my behalf.
Today is a bran new week, the end o May and officially Summer is here, so everyone is getting ready for their big vacation planning, many weddings and celebration, and somehow I am still stuck in the condition of a slightly surprised individual.
There is no progress as far as I can notice around my hearing, nothing is moving, nothing is changing, I am still hopeful, but I wish I could see a sign. And this is a small contradiction, which I will leave there for the record.
I have been reading a lot, cause this is the thing I like to do when I am in such situations, I have a tendency of isolating myself from others in books, which is mostly specific to an introvert rather than an extrovert. I like it like that. I am not in the mood to handle big crowd of people, asking me 1000 questions that I do not want or know how to answer.
The challenge with isolation is that you might feel like no one cares, which is an illusion, because I know people care about me, and they are just aware that I need my space and that this is how I function.
Today is a very hot day, so I am going to think how to fill it in with good things, and with quality time spent with my family.
Time is moving, slowly and irreversibly, they say you need to make it count , but how to make it count, when just such small things make you realize you are no longer whole? We are spoiled, so spoiled by our Creator who made us perfect, and every time this perfection is moving, we are disappointed, and asking back our wrights, but when did we get them ? When did we become entitled to have wrights?
Everything is a gift! nothing we have earned, is just His love to us that surrounds us and gives us unmeasurable presents.
I love the fact that I am able to hear the birds, even with one ear, perhaps I was not paying enough attention to them with 2 years. I am grateful that I am still able to hear them with one. I wish they would sing, non stop, to fill my brain with beautiful music.
I ve realized something more today, and is simply there ... I live , and I have life, because I believe in Him:
They say you need to take one day at the time, and this is what I am planning to do :)
take the first day, and then the second one, and then how many I will receive further on.
Today is the first day back in office after a small break of 2 days and it was a good day. Some difficulties encountered, a bit of need to focus more on the surroundings and on the number of people that are around the office, with the noise etc , I feel tired, but I know I ll go home and have a good sleep.
I have no pain, but my hearing is still not there, so I am still waiting to be surprised and to received it.
I sense the team is a bit in a discomfort, by not knowing what to say to me, or how to behave, it might be difficult for them, and the thing is that I am not really focused, as I m too tired to change this for them.
Probably I will try this tomorrow, I think that can be better.
Everyone around me is really nice, polite wanting to know how I am, and I find this really comforting.
I do not want to fly again with thoughts on what can be this , and what can be the repercussion, I want to take one day at a time, and that will be good enough for now.
I am faithful, and I ll stay as such.
May already, almost June in 2018 , I am already close to my 35th birthday, and yet life is full of surprises. They say when life gives you lemons, you should make a lemonade, but no one actually tells you how difficult is to do that.
I am going through a serious challenge this day, in the physical field actually, and it is just something that I am trying to find a way to deal with. My spirit is not crushed yet, and I m not sure if it should be or not at this stage, I am a bit worried, and stressed, but again perhaps I should be more worried than I actually am.
Unable to hear...out of the blue. You just went to bed one night, and then you wake up, and BUM your hearing is lost, and not only lost like in small pieces, but almost seriously gone, as per the view of specialists. What happened? no one knows, and no one is able to give any direction.
People just remain numb to this, and they are shocked and surprised, with no explanation. How am I suppose to be in all of this? I am not sure and I ve not figured it out yet :)
Is strange to loss the hearing out of the blue. Feels like you can not be set in the ground, the Earth is moving very fast, and you try to hang on to the speed and control your position. Then the people, all of the sudden there are too many people coming towards me and I m not sure how to handle it.
I am ready for anything that might come, I am sure God has his plan again, and He knows what my choices will be, I wish to honor Him in these times of uncertainty, and be able to say and quote Psalm 23 from my heart.
We will see what is next, I just wanted to post this and hope for the best !
Why the human nature is made like it is? Why is so easy to sin again and again and again. Why when I try to do good things are not happening as they should be, and vice versa. This is the same thing that Apostle Paul is sharing in the letter to the Romans Chapter 7 verse 18: For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. I feel exactly in this way, and I feel envy and jealousy for something that I could be part of but I chose not to be part. The idea is that I think I thought someone will push more for me to be part of such events, but this did not happen, and this is kind of frustrating for me. On the other side, I know I was right in cancelling the plan for today to avoid more frustrations as for sure things would have not happened the way I have envisage them to happen. I need to make friends that have the same interests like me to avoid further frustrations, my current gang has different points of interest and this is why sometimes things are not coming out the way they should. There are 2 ways to solve for this, either I change my interests, and overcome my barriers or I simply try to find also other friends that have the same interests like I do , and that are more flexible to things. So I need to figure it out, and perhaps next weekend will be a time when this can be further followed up. The idea is that this weekend I felt lonely, for some reasons, is it because she is not here, or for some other reasons, but I honestly felt like I am alone, and there is no one who cares for me, and probably is like that, I know that I am a GIVER and people feel the natural thing to take advantage of me, and of my kindness, but this is just how I am , I do not want to change in a big proportion. I want to be fine with giving and not be sad, or frustrated because I ve offered something. I wish to be altruist rather than selfish, for a period of time I thought I was an altruist, and that I was not expecting anything in return for my deeds, but now, I start seeing that is not quite like that , and that I do have expectations only they are hidden ones. Sometimes even hidden from me, and this is why I am unable to express them, other times they are just hidden from others and I am aware of them. Enough is enough, I need to grow up, and let these things behind.
I spent a great day today with my mum, and my dogs, it was relaxing and pleasant , rather than stressful and focused on evaluating myself and others.
This is my first Easter officially at home after 3 years of wondering in Bucharest.
My first Easter was actually in the mountains, with snow still, 2 years ago, my second one, if I am not wrong was here in Cluj, but for a very short time, as then I went back to Bucharest, and this is my third one, which is full @home, in Cluj .
It was really a good time with my family and some friends. I felt the presence of God in our family, and I hope my other family members felt it as well, it was nice to clean, cook, and paint eggs together with my mum, I think we have not done this together in a very long while.
I am very happy cause the Dream - part II is ongoing, and almost completed, I am very grateful for this amazing gift, which even though is not mine yet, it will be if I survive 30 years of credit:) makes me feel really good, and I am actually looking forward to move there and enjoy the work and the investments done in this dream.
We need to see what will be the next dream about. Will it be around building up a family? around a business, or perhaps something that is fully new, and that I am not foreseeing? For sure God is already at work, preparing the best for me, the thing that will please Him the most, I just can get excited about it.
All in all it was a good time spent, in church as well, with very good discussions around Jesus , the Cross and the Resurrection. I love being in church and listening to the sermons, I like to hear with great attention what the preacher is saying, I am really all eyes and ears on his words. I particularly liked this time the songs that were sung during the various sermons, I felt like they really went well with the preaching and they were right on my heart.
Not sure why today , and I think Friday a certain sadness approached me, leading me to take some decisions, that I am not sure were the right ones, but nevertheless they are already taken.
I need to think twice before reacting on my impulsivity, and also I need to question my motivation more than I am actually questioning it, as it seems like the things I do come from a wrong motivation, for example the decision today. This morning some things happened, I ve been part of some conversations, and based on these one, out of frustration, I took some decisions that are not the best.
The challenge is that deep inside the frustration is still correlated with something that is fully depending on me to change. I have limits and some limits should be broken with hard work, but to be honest I am too lazy, or things are not happening as I wish them too, so this is why I am complaining a lot.
The other thing is that I have not made my mind up around this other thing. Is like there is an empty table, and a large one. On this table there are some apples, but there are no great ones. So this is when I am looking and I am seeing the same red apple that whoever is around the table can see. This apple is not only red, so with great pigment, but also has the right shape, and promises a very good taste. So I somehow find myself longing for it, not necessary because he is the apple I want, but rather because I know that someone else, who is at the same table will see the apple and will want it as well. And this is why I make my mind up thinking that I want the apple, when actually I am not sure I do.
And this takes me to other tensed thoughts or even conversations with other people around this apple.
I bet this is confusing for someone who might read this, but as mentioned in other posts, this blog is more for me, so I do not really care that much if people do not understand the posts completely, I know I do and they are helping me.
Closing with one song I love:) and of course some pics:
I am now 7. Ready to go to school, or in some other countries already in the 1st grade.
I am a first grade Christian! What is to be said about that?
It is a journey, a never ending one, there are times in which is getting harder and harder, but there are days in which is just ...great.
I am changed and if I look inside me, I find Him in many things, and many thoughts, I love more , I care more about others, I am more sensitive towards others.
I was never like that, if you would have meet me years ago, I used to be a very aggressive and angry girl , for many reasons, some justified and some , majority not really justified.
But then one day, I met Him , I found Him and since then, I have been shaped and transformed by a love that is unmeasurable.
I am not complete, and I will never be, here on this Earth and in this life, but I know there will be a day when I will stand in front of Him, and I will be with Him, and this is when I will be complete, and be reunited with the Love of my Life, with my Maker.
I am excited about the journey, sometimes I am very happy and things are very easy, and happiness is floating, but sometimes I am not, and sadness is coming surrounding me.
This is the Dark side, if I am to quote Star Wars, all these negative emotions are not adding any more light to my life, but rather the opposite, this is why is very important to shut them down, and focus on the bright side.
I am so blessed in my life, with my family and with everything else, I am soo grateful for everything,
Thank you Jesus, thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for being always on my side, and thank you for a constant knock at my heart.
I give my life once again to you today, and always.
This is a story about a blue eyed boy. He is one of my good friends, and he is very skilled in many areas. Not only his intelligence is above the average , and this is me being modest, actually he is really smart, he is very dedicated and focused on spiritual matters, I really admire him and the work that God is doing through him.
He is slow in speaking , and I think this is mostly because of the many thoughts he has in his mind, he thinks twice or maybe more times before he shares words or ideas, and when they come out, you just do not understand how can he see things like that? and u remain surprised and moved by the things he says.
He reads a lot, and this is what I admire as well in him, the fact that he is able to prioritize things that matter in his life versus the ones that are temporary. He is constantly investing in him and his relationship with God. He is sharing openly his views , ideas and learning from God's word, and this has been a great tool in the rare occasions I ve been part of his study group. What I know for sure is that this is not something that impacts me, but also the others.
The interesting fact is that he is a shy person, seems like an outcast, and in some ways he is, but then he just has this look, which is magnetic and which is drawing you to him, and make you listen, to what he says, or feels. You want to get inside of his mind and soul and see what is there, how the structures are, what thoughts and feelings are inside him, and what are his struggles if any. Sometimes you can even feel that he is suffering from something, perhaps often being tormented about his future , past, present or something else. He would not share much about these instances and he would not ask for help. This is how he is. Often helping or expecting to be asked for help, but he on the other side would not take any support from others.
Perhaps is a matter of education or family background, or is simply just another thing that makes him so special.
He has got my attention in a way that no one else has. Intellectually he is challenging me to be better, emotionally he is challenging me to search more and understand these introverts and how do they work in real life. He is a mystery sitting in front of us, and I am not able to break this puzzle the way I would like too, perhaps this is why I am still motivated to try.
I remember the long conversations and the time spent over tea, trying to simplify and break ideas, to be able to chew them properly. He is able to develop the people around him, he has a power, he has a gift and I m not sure he even realizes the strength he has within.
The blue eyed boy is not a boy anymore, he is a man, and not a simple one. He is a strong and powerful man, but at the same time he is kind and caring for others.
I really appreciate him and he is in my prayers and reasons to be grateful for.
I pray to God to make him stronger in his teachings and to stand beside him always!
I was reviewing couple of days ago my previous posts on this blog. And I went across some interesting facts about my teams, being them in Poland or in Bucharest etc.
And today I want to spend sometime , and couple of words on the current team I am handling, the smallest one so far.
Two guys and five ladies , and so far so good!
Good performance and good understanding!
It s a blessing and I wish they would be blessed as well !
Spring is here, we are already in March and the nature is slowly coming to live.
My dream is almost completed, I went today and I ve seen how things are turning, and I am almost there. WOW I am still unable to believe that this really happened, and that I have now something I have only dreamt about.
Once this chapter is closed, I want to believe that I am ready now for whatever will come and for next things, great things in my life.
I know God is only giving good gifts to his children and this is why I am content and waiting for the new season in my life.
After an entire weekend talking about marriage and boys and girls, and what women and man want, of course I am thinking about getting married, but not with despair, but rather with curiosity and assertiveness.
I am a child of God, and I know the good gifts are on they're way to me!
Grateful about this weekend, God, please bless all the people I ve met!
This post is about her, about my mum. As it was 08th of March , this made me meditate to my mum and the wonderful women she is.
There is no one like my mum, and for sure many would say the same, but this is my view and there is no one who could say other wise.
My mum is a very strong women, she is very smart and she dedicate her life for us, for her kids and her family.
My mum had difficult choices from the beginning of her life, she was in love, for sure she was disappointed at certain time, but still she found the strength to live further.
She had 2 amazing parents, my grandfather and grandmother, who loved her really much. They were not necessary showing it at all times, but I know that deep in my heart.
Her first marriage was not a happy one, though things have happened, and she found the force within to fight them back and to get out of it, with a lovely child, my sister.
She took good care of my sister and supported her through many challenges. My sister has some challenges from a health perspective and my mum is dedicated to help and love her unconditionally. It must be really hard for her to see my sister suffering and to be unable to do something to ease her suffering. My mum is as a rock, she is a fortress where my sister can find protection and love.
Then my mum came back to her first love, and she was with child. It was a tough decision, as there was no marriage but just a baby. Now that I am older I and I know how tough is to take decisions, I think I know how tough it was for her to decide and keep the baby.
That baby was me, and my mum decided well to keep me even though she was a single mum. Most probably she was really scared and alone, and with another 7 year old, but still she went ahead and had me!
And I am so grateful to her for that , my mum took the best decision , to allow me to live and be loved, by her firstly and then by others.
My mum was strong to live her life alone in her small family, not to get married again, and to dedicate her entire life to us , her girls.
My mum had one fight her entire life: to make us happy, and to offer us everything. And she did that no matter the price .
She did one mistake only and for this mistake I have judge her too much time. She only demonstrated her strength more after this mistake. She continued to fight for us and for her, and then she revived, she continued to love us more and more.
My mum is great, she is with me always, we spent time talking, and I like to hear her talking to me in the evening. She loves me, and I know and feel that, I love her kiss, and how she loves the dogs.
I wish I could give her more, I wish I could give her grand children, I wish I could give her peace, and Christ.
My mum is great cause her heart is full of love! And my mum is the only person in the world who accepts me as I am , and who is happy and proud how I ve turned out.
God Bless My Mum and keep her in good health! Help me cherish her and love her back with the love of Christ and hers!
I have been truly busy this time, I did not manage to open the blog and share my thoughts or ideas on things that happened. But I am glad I can do this now, still in the month of January.
Well I left Bucharest and my temporary home, and here I am back into my lovely city Cluj, living with my family again temporary I think, as I am finishing my house! I am very happy that I am almost done with the house, and things look pretty good.
Christmas now! Well Christmas was at home with my mum and sister and my two dogs, and friends from church. It was really chill, no pressure , just relaxation and peace. It was really nice.
Then without knowing New Year came and I went celebrating with friends, for 3 days, which were really nice, we had loads of fun, playing games and joking around, but also having some time of introspection and meditation. Very good time spent!
Then there is a new job which I ve started and for which I was and I still am a bit nervous, but God is walking me through and I really want to succeed here so I am also doing the best I can. I have days in which I feel like I have not given enough, but here in this new company the rules of the game are very different then the ones before. The stress levels are very different, the pressure is there but somehow I do not feel it yet, as I should feel it.
The team was a tough moment like in every beginning but now things are getting in the right place.
I am good and in a good place!
Still amazed on how God prepared everything for me, I did not see this coming and this makes it even more special. I am trusting Him more then I use to . I am closer to Him and I am trying to ensure I give Him the time I should, as it helps me in the end.
I think in all the stress and effort in my previous job, living alone, I met Jesus, but not an average Jesus, but rather a crucified Jesus, who is now filling my chest with love for my family, I feel like I am exploding of love for them, I even took my sister to a concert with me and other people which I have not done in such a long time.
It s amazing how being transformed feels like. I am cherishing all these moments, and I am praying, but very differently then I use to . I am using the PAPA prayer , or I am practicing it, is something that humbles you in prayer, and makes you listen more then actually speak.
There are still things that are not perfect in my life, and I do not expect them to be perfect, but I know God is watching over me, and He has a plan for everything, but more than what I want, He has a plan to draw me closer to Him.
All in all it is a good start in 2018, and I have a feeling that I will make more time to share my thought here on my blog.
