My grace is enough

Fourth day and counting . I like counting and keeping track of things. I like measuremements cause I be been working with them. They give me good indication when I am off balance. Specially in couple of areas today I am out of balance and measurement should have told me that I need to start changing something. But I was not looking and therefore no change was done.
Now is the time when this option of doing nothing is no longer available. Now is the time when measurement will need to be kept and follow through.
Am i an ambitious person? Or I m just a lazy one? Some might say I am ambitious because I have done things in my life till date, but personally when I look at things that matter I do not think I was as ambitious as I should have. Perhaps this is something to be further thought of.
The night when by pretty slow. My new room mates have heavy snoring problems so I felt blessed I could not hear with one ear at a certain point.
I am more optimistic today about things than I was yesterday. I switched a bit on a sad Lane and thank God he sent me a good friend when I exactly needed her...
Amazing how God is taking care of every little detail of our lifes.
I hope today will be a good day, an no bad news , bad things would happen.
I know his Grace is enough for me to live a live rejoicing in His presence.
I choose today to live happy in His presence.

And it goes on

Today my third day in a public hospital in Romania so i am learning a new dimension of service and being served.
I can not complain a lot cause things have been good so far people are nice doing theiir job as best as they can. The surprise was the difference between private and public, I felt it on my own blood vessels so to say. But I got used to it.
It is amazing how quickly we just get use to it. This is the drill we learn it and adapt.
Is a bit scary to be here and see so many peopeople going into surgery coming back and so on. I am just trying to cope and help if I need.
I just take my medicine once per day directly in my blood and that s it. I sit quietly and try not to cause problems for anyone including myself.
In terms of my problems there seems to be something that needs to be checked and reviewed in another MRI , which is a bit scary. I had a quick emotional rollercoaster earlier and thought my life might end very sudden.
Surprise was i got scared and I felt the tears approaching. The good news , I am not emotionally numb, I am just not showing everything as everyone else does. I am handling emotions differently.
Now till I will find out what is wrong with me I need to try to live my life differently like ...I have very little time. And see what actions and reactions I would have to that.
As I am writing this my heart skips some bits.
The reality is that I am being broken. Gentle in a loving way but broken.
I am learning to live with God differently than before . I am no longer invincible through my powers. I will be invincible through Him.
I want to embrace the form of the cross. I want to be like Him and honor what He did for me.
I know that without Him I am helpless. SonGod please stay with me, be my shield like you always were. Guide me and protect me like you always did.
I do not want to worry in vain , help me be wise.
In Jesus name I pray

I keep on trying

I keep on trying in and out...I think there was a song with such lyrics, this is the best I can remember right now, and I am too lazy to make an effort and search for more lyrics, but probably some of you if curious enough will do this on my behalf.
Today is a bran new week, the end o May and officially Summer is here, so everyone is getting ready for their big vacation planning, many weddings and celebration, and somehow I am still stuck in the condition of a slightly surprised individual.
There is no progress as far as I can notice around my hearing, nothing is moving, nothing is changing, I am still hopeful, but I wish I could see a sign. And this is a small contradiction, which I will leave there for the record.
I have been reading a lot, cause this is the thing I like to do when I am in such situations, I have a tendency of isolating myself from others in books, which is mostly specific to an introvert rather than an extrovert. I like it like that. I am not in the mood to handle big crowd of people, asking me 1000 questions that I do not want or know how to answer.
The challenge with isolation is that you might feel like no one cares, which is an illusion, because I know people care about me, and they are just aware that I need my space and that this is how I function.
Today is a very hot day, so I am going to think how to fill it in with good things, and with quality time spent with my family.
Time is moving, slowly and irreversibly, they say you need to make it count , but how to make it count, when just such small things make you realize you are no longer whole? We are spoiled, so spoiled by our Creator who made us perfect, and every time this perfection is moving, we are disappointed, and asking back our wrights, but when did we get them ? When did we become entitled to have wrights?
Everything is a gift! nothing we have earned, is just His love to us that surrounds us and gives us unmeasurable presents.
I love the fact that I am able to hear the birds, even with one ear, perhaps I was not paying enough attention to them with 2 years. I am grateful that I am still able to hear them with one. I wish they would sing, non stop, to fill my brain with beautiful music.

I ve realized something more today, and is simply there ... I live , and I have life, because I believe in Him:

One Day at a time

They say you need to take one day at the time, and this is what I am planning to do :)
take the first day, and then the second one, and then how many I will receive further on.
Today is the first day back in office after a small break of 2 days and it was a good day. Some difficulties encountered, a bit of need to focus more on the surroundings and on the number of people that are around the office, with the noise etc , I feel tired, but I know I ll go home and have a good sleep.
I have no pain, but my hearing is still not there, so I am still waiting to be surprised and to received it.
I sense the team is a bit in a discomfort, by not knowing what to say to me, or how to behave, it might be difficult for them, and the thing is that I am not really focused, as I m too tired to change this for them.
Probably I will try this tomorrow, I think that can be better.
Everyone around me is really nice, polite wanting to know how I am, and I find this really comforting.
I do not want to fly again with thoughts on what can be this , and what can be the repercussion, I want to take one day at a time, and that will be good enough for now.
I am faithful, and I ll stay as such.

Thoughts ...more thoughts

May already, almost June in 2018 , I am already close to my 35th birthday, and yet life is full of surprises. They say when life gives you lemons, you should make a lemonade, but no one actually tells you how difficult is to do that.
I am going through a serious challenge this day, in the physical field actually, and it is just something that I am trying to find a way to deal with. My spirit is not crushed yet, and I m not sure if it should be or not at this stage, I am a bit worried, and stressed, but again perhaps I should be more worried than I actually am.

Unable to hear...out of the blue. You just went to bed one night, and then you wake up, and BUM your hearing is lost, and not only lost like in small pieces, but almost seriously gone, as per the view of specialists. What happened? no one knows, and no one is able to give any direction.

People just remain numb to this, and they are shocked and surprised, with no explanation. How am I suppose to be in all of this? I am not sure and I ve not figured it out yet :)

Is strange to loss the hearing out of the blue. Feels like you can not be set in the ground, the Earth is moving very fast, and you try to hang on to the speed and control your position. Then the people, all of the sudden there are too many people coming towards me and I m not sure how to handle it.

I am ready for anything that might come, I am sure God has his plan again, and He knows what my choices will be, I wish to honor Him in these times of uncertainty, and be able to say and quote Psalm 23 from my heart.

We will see what is next, I just wanted to post this and hope for the best !