Today is about her! Sisterhood!

 Today is a very special day! Is a day about my wonderful and resilient sister. She is one of the most resilient people i know and she celebrated her birthday today.

She is 7 years older than me, and many more wiser. I appreciate her a lot, but I struggle sometimes with patience to listen to her.

She takes care of me, and she cares very much for me and for my mum and that is amazing.

Father please bless her on this special day with health, power and joy!

Please help her meet You! And please surround her with your love!

Please keep us united, and close always!

 

Spoiling myself

 I feel lonely, like I rarely do. And I know I need to accept this feeling and just let it be. It will not stay for long… but it is something that I am having now, and is part of my experience.

When I feel lonely, i just withdraw from everything and everyone. And this is just what I did today and yesterday too. I ran away from everyone and pretended that I am just a normal woman in a city. One that no one knows. And it is ok to feel like that sometimes.

Sitting here on a wonderful terrace on top of Cluj city I get to take a breath and relax. I think 
that I am a free person, that I am an adult, and that I can be carefree for one hour.

I can just run away from all obligations I have, from family, friends, loans, debts, houses and church and just relax and pretend like I am free.

And it is a great feeling that I am experiencing as I sit here outside!

Freedom!!!. This needs to be a practice! I need to take 1 day per month when i can do exactly this. Nothing!! 

And just relax over a coffee. Good discovery!

Another year, another countdown begins

 09th June 2021

1 month till another birthday of mine! 

Yesss, I am excited in part, in part I am not. I am acknowledging the fact that time is going by, and perhaps I am not doing what I should be doing. 

I look around and all my close friends have kids and families, while I am still wondering and enjoying life slightly different than they are. 

Is that ok ?

Is it ok to be almost 38 years old and not to be settled? I am just living, when I look back, I feel like I am just starting my life in so many areas, and I am sooo excited about all the things that are happening and all my experience and my freedom. 

When someone is reading this post, he might think that I am crazy. But I am not, I am just choosing to see the great things that I can do as a single person, and how I can experience life differently. 

The sky is the limit, and I am trying to see how high can I reach. 

There are also other days, when I am down because loneliness hits, but those moments are very few compared with the happy ones. I love the nature, animals, people around me. 

I can achieve so many things by being single, and making time for others , and for me, so I am grateful. 

Life wise , professional life, I think I kind of stopped caring about going higher and higher, feels like the place that I am right now is a good place, I am not so keen of going higher on the professional ladder.

Of course I would like to start thinking of building something outside work,  like my own personal business, but I am not there yet. Perhaps this piece of counselling will be the one I can do ... while I am thinking of something else. I would like a business that involves people and relationships, cause I think I am very good at that. 

I should start being more focused on this, to be able to actually achieve something in this area. 

All in all, I am sad to leave 37...but also excited to see what 38 will bring..

A better job, an affair, love and marriage, kids.... loss, pain or suffering....with Him I can endure all things. And this is my prayer, that not matter what 38 would bring that I would always very connected and close to Him, so that He can guide my steps. 

Cheers till then, and we shall connect again in 1 month! 

Seven

 Seven, chalet no 7, is a place where all Romanian people would like to reach at least one time in life. 

It is a very expensive place, in the forest, a very Scandinavian place, where you can get the quiet time you wanted and a bit of a relaxation, or it can be a starting point, for many hikes around the Fagaras mountains. 

The people gathering here were very different, but in the end it was a nice time, we managed to relax and connect pretty well, some better than others. 

Brother...where are you?

 2013-2021 - this is the period that passed since we reconnected . 

And I am so grateful for these 6 years of him and me together. It is true the family never breaks, and I am seeing this in this relationship.

I can feel his love, and I think he can feel mine, it is amazing to see that blood does not vanish, and that connections through flesh and blood exists. 

He is the coolest brother I could ever have, he is famous, drives an awesome car, he is funny, humble and he sings really really well. 

I am so found of him, because when I see him, I think about my father and what I have missed for not having an actual relationship with him. 

I did not see my brother for the past 2 years, because of this pandemic, but when we met it felt like he was happy to see me, and we were happy to be together. It was like a milestone achieved, and we managed to spend also some 1 on 1 time, really glad this happened: 

His friends welcomed me with such open hearts, I felt spoiled and belonging in the group, so I managed to relax and enjoy myself with them. 

They are very special, and I love that I am part of their "family". 

More images to remember great times

 Because of time constraints I did not manage to collect all my memories in pictures, for a post, but I have been pretty busy in wondering the country, here and there with my friends. 

The benefit of this pandemic was related to relationships, for me at least. I somehow focused on getting to another level in all my relationships, and I did that through social media, and through outings and time spent together. 

Had the chance to see the wonderful medieval town Sighisoara a second time this year, and this time with more family and friends. The weather was a bit better and the landscapes were very much enjoyable. 

Everyone get along really well and that was nice, so we really had a blessed time! 

Spending time with other friends and families, specially when kids are involved, can be a challenge. But this was not the case at all, hanging out with my dear friends, and kids. 

It was a lovely weekend, filled with fun and joy and deep meaning conversations, more than I expected, and grateful for such a great group of friends. 

1st of June- Happy Children's Day!

 Visiting again, a different Romanian region, this time it was Bucovina and a bit of Moldavia. 

It was a very nice trip, spend with lovely ladies and enjoying the nature and the beauties that you can see in the area.

We celebrated Children's day together, and it was a very nice time, seeing a thematic park of one of our Romanian author, Ion Creanga. 

It seemed like fun was always there, but there was also a cloud inside my heart to be honest. 

Not only related to things from my childhood when things were not perfect, but related to this trip, as i felt the fact that the unity was missing. 

And yet again, using poetry language, he was not there, he was close to my heart, physically and other wise but he was not there.

Can not but wonder? Is this a mirage? The expectation was with me, the entire period, as the optimist I'd hoped that he will appear out of nowhere and that he would be glad to see us, to see me, in the end.

But when reality hits, it is like a cold shower. The fact that he did not come, and the fact that I am less important that my optimistic mind thought I was.

It is painful, but I am glad that I can feel pain, at certain times I thought I did not. Yet, she is there, making room into my heart, bringing those sensations of pain in the stomach, of heart beating slower, of tears pushing their way out through your eyes. 

Yet again, such is life, we can not force anyone to like us or to love us . 

The interesting thing is that through this, there are many other things that can get clarity. Like the fact that I am superficial in relationships. After this weekend I am sure I am not. I actually managed to have time and get to know the ladies, and put myself on the 2nd or 3rd place to be able to let them feel known.

Yet, he thinks I am superficial. Well, I am not. 

This is as always the story of the good person, that never gets the good things, she always needs to struggle to get them, while the so called "evil" person in the story manages to influence all the right parties to get what she wants. 

Why am I always the good person? It was better when I was the bad one, but it is a battle and it is a struggle. 

He calls us to be the good person, he calls us to put our personal interests aside and be able to focus on other people and not on us . And that is what I have tried to do this weekend. 

For the rest, time will tell, feels sometimes like all is a test, and I keep failing them, but all in all I know the most important test was already taken by Him, when He died on the cross to give me life. 

So with that, I acknowledge and declare my gratefulness, to the people, to the trip, to my family and friends, to my pets, and mostly to Him. 

Happy 1st of June 2021!!!