Friendship

Almost end of October, all things are in line with the weather and the changing seasons, and this is why i have also been informed that one of my team members is planning to move away from the current activity to something new and probably more exciting. I got attached to this person, i got really attached and she is one of my closest friends, i can speak with her and be open about many things including spiritual stuff that i usually do not share with many people.
And now i am just selfishly sad because she is choosing a better opportunity for her , opportunity that does not include me, and this makes me really sad.
But nevertheless i need to learn to let people go, and be happy for themselves for what they want to do.
Like someone said this weekend - accept that maybe someone is better than you at some stuff, and also a piece of advice from me to myself - you are not the center of the universe!!!
i think i have given and i have received many things in this relationship and now is just time to explore it to the next level.
I am very grateful, for this person, as she was my family in the past 1 year and a half, she took care of me even without realizing, and this is even more amazing.
I am thankful to my Lord as this is how He is taking care of me, through the people He puts around me!
It is time for a new era! May God be honored through this friendship further!

Thoughts, just thoughts no definition

I live for me, i reached to this conclusion when i heard these ladies in church singing - my heart s desire is to praise You Lord. I do things to honor God, or at least i think so, but i just come to a realization that i am doing them for me, and for my pure pleasure. I love life, or at least part of it, i like that i travel , that i do hat i want and i have the money to help me do that. But what if, what if all of these would be gone, what would i say than? do i find my joy and happiness in God? or is just something that i say with my lips but do not feel with my heart?
i am just an average Christian, and right now i am not sure if i can even call myself a Christian.
When did i became such a superficial person? Maybe what happened a couple of days ago is a clear message to stop living for me, but to start living for something more than that. And yes, i used to say always when i am driving or flying or doing something with a bit of risk, that i need to be fine with God in case something happens. Well in that day, that Monday, i did not pray, i did not do anything , i lived for me once again. Took my purse, the key to my car, and confidently went out...i should have pried before i left the house, i should pray more often.
i need to change something in the way i see things, i need a revival- i want to remind myself why am i here, and what is my purpose, cause or i ve never knew , or i forgot because i feel so confused.
i struggle with the fact that all my friends are married or in relationships, but i never struggle with my faith, or i rarely do, and for a very short period of time.
i never fast, i never sacrifice anything for the Love of God, so what does this say about my faith?
i will focus more on what i do and why i do, i need to live for something more than myself.

in Jesus Name!
amin  

09 October 2017

Monday in my home town is always nice, but this time it was a different Monday,  a pretty scary one. Sometimes you just loose control in various parts of your life, often is your personal life, or your professional life or even your spiritual one. I am the kind of person who struggles a lot when the control is lost even if rationally i know i do not have it. I am a Christian so by default i know God is control, hence i can not let it go.
This Monday, i lost control, and not any kind of control but the car control. I was driving with my sister in the right sit, and i slept on a bit of water, and there it was....fraction of a second, the car had her own personality and started to do whatever she wanted. I could not do anything but hope and pray it would stop.
It did not stop, so we basically crashed the foot of a bridge and return back to the road. There was smoke, and police, and ambulance , and fireman's and all the drill.
It was one of the scariest ( or just the scariest) moment of my life, for simply two reasons - one that i could not stop what was going on and second because i had my sister with me, and i knew things will not end well.
Through God s grace, we are fine both of us, some bruises here and there, some small lacerations, but the car is too expensive to be repaired so basically is going to be sold piece by piece, a bit sad for my Audi A3 lovely machine.
I wanted to cry, and let out this scary part, and all the feelings accumulated, and the stress, but there was not enough time to do that, so i am still waiting to see , when i will feel the pain, the fear and then the relief that nothing happen in order to let it all out.
Someone wiser than me, a dear friend , told me simply - you do not need to act, or to be always the tough one. Is ok to let go...
But she did not tell me how to do that!
so this week i will search for some inputs or advice's online on how to let it go , and how to express emotions and show vulnerability
No one died or was injured, so it was a good day after all.
Audi A3 - May you Rest in Peace, and thank you for being a Loyal friend! you are going to be missed.