Santatea creierului - Alexandru Vlad Ciurea

 An interesting book that I bought and I finished reading today, so I would like to keep some of the ideas for future reference. 

I will keep them in Romanian:

Despre mentenanta creierului - Mens sana in corpore sano:

1. Hrana sanatoasa pentru creier sanatos

2. Apa

3. Aerul

4. Motilitatea

5. Scrisul

6. Muzica

7. Socializarea

8. Informatiile noi

9. Compania animalelor

10. Dansul

11. Odihna

12. Evitarea elementelor negative

13. Ritmul sanatos

Misterele creierului - Eu nu strivesc corola de minuni a lumii - Blaga

1. Constiinta

2. Puterea mintii

3. Amintirile

4.Membrul fantoma

5. Somnul

6. Starea de veghe

7. Ciclul circadian 

8. Visul

9. Rasul

10. Informatia genetica

A longer dialogue

 As always it seems much more easier for me to express ideas or thoughts in a foreign language, so until our German skills are at the level to do this type of conversation in German, we shall use English. I also red the fact that it is not quite ok to not write in Romanian and that is actually a shame for us educated people to forget the uniqueness of our language. So I acted upon that as well, and my prayer journal for December is in Romanian. Take this as an intro or an amuse-bouche for our conversation. 

Coming back to the first part of our conversation and the fact that after reading a couple of times the Cave Myth I think this describes to some extend the situation that we have at hand with you and our openness to the ideas you are bringing, and at a larger scale the Iris church long discussions and the way they perceive this exposure to light, sun..or whatever we want to call this new element. 

It is not a secret that fear is the most common element of people being blocked into something, and perhaps this is the exact case. Sometimes we are simply paralyzed with fear to grasp the new things that you are bringing to the table. And often times we do not feel we have the teeth to be able to chew as much as you can. That is perceived in most cases as a rejection from our side, from my side in particular.

 I want to ask for forgiveness for all the times when I rejected you with or without willing, aware or less aware. It was unfair of me to do that. 

The 1 million dollar question for me is how do we learn to interact with all that is new? How and when do we know if what we are learning is to be kept in our hearts and to be further investigated, or is non value added. How do we avoid dedicating too much time to something that is not value added? How do you know if the light you are seeing is a Good light? I think this is a gap many of us have, and is hard to cover it. 

Being a Christian means something different for most people. Of course, I hope everyone starts from the main which is to be a Christ follower. But there are followers that are not necessary very active, or they consider that if they are actively engaged in a ministry for example (singing, youth, kids, missions etc) they are already engaged in the mechanism towards perfection. Just because we (i deliberately include me in the we) think that being involved in self study, self learning, reading about different topics, educating ourselves constantly through various subjects (culture, music, art etc) does not mean that everyone does it in the same way. So perhaps these people already think they are out of the cave themselves and they do not get why we are still in...doing the same things over and over again. 

Regarding this group, I like the fact that you are calling it our group:). It feels nice. I think the group finds the discussions we are having very refreshing. I think that you also learnt how to engage the crowd better; that makes the conversation much more pleasant. I also feel the appetite in the group for unfolding various topics and the openness that everyone has. Even Luci and Coco, the fact that they are open and honest in the conversation sharing the fact that they do not share the same view on things makes it all more real. 

Hope the above makes sense, this only addresses our first half of the discussion. I will continue with the second part , which will be more about me, but only after I read the article you sent me. 

Autumn ....fall...or this special season

 Pause, relax, repeat. 

This is exactly how the past months have been for me. Low on energy to write and to expose my feelings and thoughts on a white piece of paper. Busy again travelling the world in a poor intent to leave the pain behind and to focus on brighter skies. 

Reality check- is not working. 

No matter how hard you try to run away from your pain, she is like a foot print; is there at every step waiting to be acknowledged, waiting to be heard. The curiosity to that is that if you start hearing it, it will go away, or better it will fade away, not for ever, but for short periods of time, till again she will come back to ask for the tribute. 

This is my learning in this journey. Every time the pain comes, do not ignore it, give it time and space to appear and let it contain you and your emotions. It is the healthy way of processing pain, specially emotional one. 

This season - autumn, is the best season to do this, it is the most beautiful time when nature is dressed in wonderful colors, ready to contain all your feelings. You can easily find a spot to just feel all your emotions, that can take the colors of the leaves that surround you: some still green, some yellow, some passionately red and then some brown...and even black. 

I love the light and the color of the fall season, it is one of my favorites. 

6 months since you are gone

 This is a 6 months elegy, for your absence.

I miss you dearly my dear one, and there is no day passing by without me thinking about you/about us. 

You were wonderful, and I feel your absence, it is a constant pain in my heart.....

I so much resonate with the below: 

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

“For in grief nothing "stays put." One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?

But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?

How often -- will it be for always? -- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment"? The same leg is cut off time after time.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

“I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, hoever, turns out to be not a state but a process.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Another Happy Birthday to me!!!

 Of course, delayed, but it is what it is. These days I do not get the time to spend as much time as I would like in the online environment, hence the huge delay of 13 days to wish myself Happy Birthday!

Someone reading this for the first time might actually think that I am the crazy lady that wishes herself a Happy Birthday, and I guess I can be that lady, but I also can be the lady who wants to keep memories of pleasant times, and specially the celebration times. 

This year was a very different birthday celebration. I had my birthday in London, but actually I felt very lonely, and I spent a good portion of my birthday crying. This is good for me, as I am not able to express my feelings through tears very often, so actually I was happy to be able to do something like this. 

I was crying not for ageing , but mostly because it is the first birthday without my sister being present. And that just hit me, big time, and it felt like I could not stand back on my feet. She was always around for my celebrations, specially for birthdays, and now she is no longer there. This was very painful for me, to acknowledge and to recover from it. 

I felt lonely, and hurt. And it was ok, for the time being to feel like that. I realized after that...in the following days that she was my biggest support, she was the most important encourager in my life, and I appreciated her very very much, but I actually never told her that she was this for me. 

I just think she knew, and she knows even now. 

How I feel at my new age? Well the same as previously, it is scary a bit that I have 1 more year to go and the prefix will change again, but that is it...no one can stop or change the course of life. 

What we need to focus on, is to make it more meaningful, and this is something I am trying to do. What I wished for this birthday, health, happiness and love. I can not, not think that maybe this will be the year in which I will find love, that kind of deep love that is focused on the inner being and not so much on the outer one. 

So...yes, celebrated my birthday in London with some dear friends and colleagues, then I had some wonderful time alone over a lovely concert of Vivaldi, 4 seasons. When I can home, I had one week of celebration, starting with my mum, who prepared everything for me, and it was lovely, to the girls that always surprise me, than the loyal friends that came the second day with a wonderful cake, then again my dear friends that came to wish me happy birthday and yet again another round of guests, just to conclude the celebration, so it was really really nice to feel loved and surrounded by all the dear ones in my life. 

I also got a chance to go and see my dearest friends in a city near by, for a wonderful and special lunch! It was great:) And I am so grateful that this happened, it was nice, despite all the pain inside. 

Of course, pictures to follow: 

Special day - in your absence

I am learning to experience pain and suffering in different ways. I learnt that suffering does not come with a huge noise, not necessary, that pain finds a way to cover all your main functions, and you just feel your body very relaxed, and in a sleepy form. It is like you are almost about to fall asleep, but you will not. You just stay in this numb stage for a long while, till you sink and feel all the pain that you need to feel. 

This is how I am today, and this is how i have been the entire week to be honest. Grief is hard, and you are under the impression that as days are passing by, the pain and the absence will be easier, but they are not. 

They are the same, or even worst if I can add. We miss you so much, both mum and I. We remember you in every little thing we do, and it is really painful, to just feel the void and be unable to fill it with anything else. 

There no other way, than ask God to come and fill the void with His love and His presence, but the void is still there, only covered in His love and care. 

Today is your birthday (46), and yet we can not celebrate your life anymore, cause your earthly life ended too quick and too painful. 5 months and our hearts are still bleeding.

We can not let it go. You are most loved by us and by all your friends. 

Is a sad day, even if I try to cover it in laughter and in encouragement, and in thinking of the after life, it is a sad day, and I can feel it through all my body. 

And I feel lonely, so lonely without you. I never realized how much of my life you were filling. I only did that when you went to the hospital and i experienced it, and now ...when there is no way back, i experience it every day, every night. 

There is no one who was so close to me as you. I loved to be your sister, and to take care of you, and to celebrate your birthday every single year. I loved your birthday more than mine. And today....it is just a day...to commemorate your life, and to honor you with our thoughts and our love. 

I wish you were here. I can not lie. I am not sure if I am angry that you are gone, I think I have reached the stage where I accepted the fact, but I still wish you were here with us. 

I look at your grave, where there is no more space to add a flower, as it is covered in flowers, and I can not comprehend that you are there, and that you stopped breathing a long time now. 

I dream of you speaking to me, touching me, embracing me, making jokes, watching your phone, and the tv. I simply miss you, with all your peculiarities. 

I hope that you somehow feel these thoughts and all this love. I know maybe it sounds stupid...but I want to know that you feel this love that is coming from us towards you. 

You are so special, and I will miss you 4 ever! Happy Birthday dear Sis! 

Officially blooming

 It is the middle of May and we can see that the nature is finally awake and blooming. I wish I could say the same about my love life, but I am far from that. My personal life is not so bad, I am in a good mental shape, I am close to the people I love, and I feel most of times the love and care of others. 

What I like more about this period is when you look at the nature and see how it is all awake, the flowers are blooming, the trees already loosing their first set of flowers and the sun is shining most of the days. 

It is very nice, and reassuring that there is hope, and that there is good in this world full of sin. 

On the other side, across the border, in Ukraine the war is not over, people are still suffering and hiding and running away from the things they knew one time and for the places where they felt safe. 

Is hard for me to imagine how do they feel, and as the was is ongoing I just feel that my heart is getting colder, and that my empathy level decreases as well. It is not a good way of looking at things but is the reality not only for me but also for others. 

I am praying for an open heart, and for a sensing heart for the pain of other people, around me or far away from me. 

I am blessed with some good days and some bad days. I live with her and  I am loving it. I feel like is a new season of our lives, a season where love is more present than before. Loosing someone very dear to you makes you reconsider all things, specially behaviors with good friends and with family. 

My constant prayer is for wisdom so that I am able to respond to love t those who love me, even if I am not so in love with me, to be able to forgive what at times seems unforgiven, to be able to flex and support other people's needs by putting mine secondly, to be able to love the unlovable ones, and to be able to stay close to the One and Only who can give me all of the above. 

These are times of grace, and I am so grateful for that. I am continuing to praise the Lord for all the blessings that He is giving this world every day. 

Some pictures never hurt anyone :) 

A culture of friendship - new learnings

 In the classical style this post will contour one of my dear friends, that thought me a lot about friendship in the past couple of years. 

Despite the fact that originally this person did not caught my attention, in the sense that I was focused on other persons, when I finally discovered the details in this person's character I was caught in admiration, respect...and love. 

By now you might have guessed, is a she, of course, young at age, but wise at heart, the perfect combination. 

She would be the kind of person that would not speak without a clear question asked. She would be the quiet and curious person in the corner, usually surrounded by 1 or 2 close friends. Her beauty will however be noticed by both the boys in the room, and by the girls as well, with a pinch of jealousy. 

What would make the difference once you start a conversation with her, is the depth of the discussion, and the genuine curiosity about getting to know things about her interlocutor. She will be listening, actively and carefully for all the information that will be shared with her. She would always speak with a lot of respect about the issues discussed, and she will bring Jesus into the picture. 

That is what I like a lot about her, that Jesus is present in almost all the conversations, and it feels so natural to involve Him in the discussions. 

Also, she has the heart of an adventurer. She is always up to take new challenges to discover nature, and her inner self. I think this is a form of courage, to be able to jump in different adventures and to be willing to expose yourself and test yourself in many areas. Not only demonstrates physical strength but also mental one. 

She loves kids, and it is a wonder to just see how she can interact with those tiny humans, and be able to establish a clear communication ground, and seems like both parties are really enjoying themselves.

For sure all of the above make her special, but more than that loyalty and availability are the things that are clear gifts from her side. Once she started a relationship with you she will continue, she is not afraid to speak up her mind, to challenge you and to find deeper meanings to the relationships, not just a first superficial pleasurable level. 

Her virtue in cultivating friendships it is visible by the high quality relationships she holds across geographies and with very different personalities. It is always fun to hang around her, and to watch her related with others. There are many things to learn. 

It is a blessing how in the Body of Christ, in the church, people who have little in common, from a hobby's perspective, can find a strong bound and can cultivate the friendship further. Christ is the glue that tie us together, and because of Him we are all willing, responsible and focused to connect with the other, to give room to the other to shine, it is only through a friends light that one can shine brighter, and I am truly blessed to have such a friend in my network. 

At Easter, but also in any other time of the year, it is a practice to count your blessings...and blessings are not necessary material things, or personal or professional achievements, blessings are the people around you, those who make you understand more and more what love is, who you are and where are your blind spots. 

Grateful to have such a friend. 

3 months...and counting

 21st of April, almost Easter and our hearts and minds are with the event of the Resurrection. 

This is the hope I have today, that if He rose from the death, so would you, and so would all of us. 

3 months since you are gone today. And our thoughts, our hearts and minds are still longing for you. You were so special in our lives, and feels like we did not have enough time to rejoice and to appreciate you at the real value. 

Time flies so fast, and from the outside everyone might think that we are doing well, that we recovered, we are living our lives, and all it is behind us. But it is not like that, we are broken and still aching. 

We are not living the life without thinking of you. Is like every step we take we think about you. And if I am like that, I can not even imagine how is she. And how she must miss you, and how she must feel, empty and sad. 

So many memories, so many thoughts, so many recollections about the life we once knew, and the life that is now disrupted by this absence. I pray that we can adapt, to this new season in our lives, I pray that we take one day at the time, and live in the way you would want us to live. 

But never forget, that you are in our hearts and in our souls, and that we keep you and cherish you with everything we have. 

Hope you are resting in peace, and hope you know and you knew we loved you so so much. 

Miss you my dear! 

03rd April 2022 - 11:D

 So busy, seems like I never get the time back, time to just relax and do what i love. And part of what I love is to fill the empty papers with words. All kind of words. I know I am not a great writer, but I also know that I should never stop dreaming of achieving different things. 

I am happy to have the opportunity and the technology to be able to do some writing even through this modest blog. 

I am proudly celebrating, the fact that I am 11. 

11 years since I met the One that changed my life in good. And not in any kind of good, but in Good. 

He is the one that took me and covered me with love while I was still not able to feel it. I was so numb, so full of wounds and of pain, that I was not ready to allow anyone close to me, to my heart and to the core of my being. 

But He knew how to win me. Slowly , surely, but consistently. And although I should have just accept Him from early days, He had the patience to wait for me, and to treat me like a queen, although I was nothing but a servant. 

Now, after 11 years of blessing, I am still a servant, but I am His servant. 

It is not an easy task, it takes a lot of dedication and focus to be able to live every day as He would like me to live it, and for sure I am failing with every step I am taking. 

But I know, that with every fall I get close to Him, I know that he never influences the stumbles I am experiencing, and I know now that He is not the root cause of my sufferings. 

He is the One, that always has open arms to receive me, and to accept me, to forgive and to love me, and to make me new again. 

My body is ageing, but my soul is getting younger, fresher, I feel more curious, I can see the blessings, I can count them, I can see and live miracles. It is an amazing journey. 

I have no regrets. I would choose Him all over again. 

I am thankful for His patience, and for His teachings, I want others to see the real blessings and the outcomes and wins of this relationship, that from the outside might look like a ...loosing one. 

I am hopeful, to grow, and to age further in knowing Him, and deepen our relationship. 

Thinking about spring

 The months are flying so fast, you do not have time to realize what is happening, and suddenly is March, and not beginning of March, but rather end of it. 

I am counting the months differently now, since you are gone. March = 2 months. 

2 months since you left us, and life still goes on. You are dearly missed, and we are all feeling this loss. 

Despite the fact that we are doing our day to day activities, and from the outside it is clearly visible that we are ok, I am not sure that we are. We are irremediably broken, and we will never be full again.

Is like a big part of our life is gone, and there is nothing we can do to bring it back. 

I know this is just temporary, and one day we will all be together once again, but till then, the pain sometimes is hardly bearable. 

Small things, repetitive things are helping, till one day I feel the loss, memories come falling, from a song, a word, a sound, a pet....a smell. 

Memories are a funny thing. 

We can never forget ... important things

love you - always 

Dream ? Or cruel reality?

 For 3 days now, we are living historical moments. A period of a cruel reality, a period of war between Ukraine and Russia. In 2022, a time where peace was ruling across all the countries in Europe, and a time where everyone is still facing a pandemic, a war begins. 

In real time, as I am writing these words, people are terrified in Ukraine, in Moldavia, in Romania and for sure in other countries. People are trying to leave their homes, and their country, but they need to leave behind all their belongings, wider family, friends, and sometimes even husbands or sons. 

It is devastating! 

We join in prayer the citizens and the leaders of Ukraine! 

We pray for all the civilians and for all the people that are in the cities under attack, and for those who are in transit to other countries!

We appreciate their courage and their efforts!

Shocking days for everyone. 

3rd February 2022 - Happy

 Happy urechioasa

Happy dintoasa

Happy nasoasa

Happy laboasa

Happy frumusica

Happy dragutzica

Happy minunata

Happy! 

Another life ends today, a life of a very loyal pet, a life of one of my dogs: Happy! 

She was such a special one, simply a perfect english cocker spaniel, light brown with beautiful eyes. 

Happy was almost 13 years, and I think she needed to leave us now, to be with my sister in Heaven. Perhaps this is not accurate, but this is what I believe, that she needed to be with her, and I am grateful that they can keep each other's company. 

We will miss Happy, a lot, but we will always remember her, as she was one of the best dogs we ever had. 

Happy ....stay Happy right there where you are! We love you and we will love you always!!! 

One week, a funeral...tears...and a sweet memory

 It is one week, since you are not a citizen of this world anymore. I think the upper world was in awe of receiving your soul. They were so happy to welcome you and to see your joyful spirit. If I am an optimist, then you were a super optimist, if that even exists. 

You always had in you, no matter what was the situation, you found the power to go on with a smile even in your biggest pain. You said you loved me and you are tired...that was our last conversation. 

I love you...too, and no day will pass by without remembering that love. That pure love of my bigger sister. The one who always had my back, and the one who loved me more than anyone else. 

We had a lovely funeral, we honored you. Initially I was expecting a very small crowd of people, those who knew you well, and some friends, but actually there were almost 80-90 people, and majority very young people. That is a clear picture of how much you were loved by others, and how much they wanted to come and celebrate your life. 

These are the same people who prayed for you, in all this period, who hoped together with me..to have you back at home. But that did not happen, because God choose to take you there with Him, and to spare you from more suffering. I am trying to be grateful for that, but I am not able...at least not just yet. 

Every evening I sit and talk to you, some people might think I am crazy, but this is my favorite moment of the evening, when I speak to you in letters and to God. I want to believe that you are receiving all those letters, and that they make you happy, and that you remember that I really love you. 

Is hard for me to speak ...about you in the past. 

I feel you are still here..in a shape or form. There is a part of me that feels numb, the part who needs to accept that you are no longer alive, and I feel that the black scarf is burring me into the ground. 

And that is not so bad, cause like this I am closer to you, closer to your heart. 

I've prayed so many times to be able to pray with tears...and I was never able. For a while now, specially from last week, I am able to do this almost every day. Thank you for that, thank you for helping me achieve more, even when you are not here!

I love you sis, and everything in this house reminds me of you! Please watch over us, and please know you were very much loved, by us and by all our friends. 

2 months....and the eternity

 Two months without 1 day, since you are not here with us, with me. And every day of these two months was about you, and about the absence that I feel not having you around.

You filled a place with joy, with laughter when you entered, and now this place is empty, and seems like life itself changed;

I will miss you always my dear sister! And I will love you always! 

Words are not easy to be found in this situation, but I know what I feel, and I know what I hope, that one day we will be together again...up there, in the presence of our Almighty Father. 

Preview...of emotions

 It is a time when I am experiencing a wider palette of emotions, than I am use too. I use to know very well the positive emotions such as joy, content, excitement etc. 

But for the past two months, and reaching a smaller pick today, I have experienced the negative emotions as sadness, grief, frustration, anger, disappointment etc. 

The difference between the two set of emotions is that the second ones force you to look deeper, into your soul to see what is going on there. And it is not always good, or easy to go down there and see what you find. 

Currently, I am spiraling down a bit on this route of sadness and despair. The news we received today puts the things into a new perspective, one that we were not really keen to every experience. And it seems like there is very little time to process, and very little willingness to process. 

Why you might ask? Cause the pain is too heavy to contain, and if it bursts, then you wonder if you can stop it...and if you are not able to stop it...then it will just confuse you more, and complicate the things. 

But not experiencing it fully, does not mean that is not there. Laughing can be done with a broken heart, saying you are ok in a business meeting can be done with a broken heart, many things can be done while you feel broken. 

So the question in my mind is...if this is how it is now, as a preview...how will it be, when I ll be there? When the actual thing will happen? 

Will I be ever able to recover? How will my life look if this happens? How will we ever fill that huge void that will remain? 

Questions that will remain without answer, at least for a while. 

Courage dear heart...

Poem - Broken in the cold

 I:

The winter is here, I feel her embrace

I use to enjoy it, the white and the snow

But now is too painful, I only hear wolves

Their howls are waiting for someone to kill 

II:

I run and I hide away from those wolves 

I try to escape, but the forest is deep

I feel branches hurt me, my body is in pain

I run and I run like the world has no end

III: 

But out of the sudden I see a bright light

The wolf's are not howling, they froze in the dark 

Your face...Am I dreaming, or I'm already dead? 

The cold covers me further, I just lay down my head

IV: 

I slowly wake up, in the warm cozy room

I take a deep breath, and I'm silent as a tomb

The house is in silence, no movement at all

I look through the window, that's covered in snow

And I miss you - more and more

 Another late night post, to echo my soul and the fact that I miss you much, and the feeling grows as days go by. When I had you here around me, I did not appreciate you as I should have had. I did not have great ideas, like I have now, ideas that could have helps us know each other better. 

I was focused only on me, and I am so sorry about that. 

I thought that my life is my life, and that yours is yours. But the things are never like this. I am usually a person that sees things in black or white, but it took me 38 years to realize that this is one of the biggest mistakes someone can do. 

Things are never black and white, there is always at least one more perspective, so things are grey, or any other color you like, but for sure not black and white. 

I think I could have done things differently, and I want , I dream and I pray for a chance to do them. 

Every day that passes I think about you, and about the moment you'll come home, and how our life will be new, adapted, difficult but for sure with a bit more love. 

It takes tragedy to learn what love is. I am living this as a tragedy, I feel the pain, even if I try very hard to numb it, I manage to numb it, but it does not mean that the pain is not there. 

My soul is full of the despair, of the possibility to not see you again. But I rarely go there. 

I know you are one of a kind, and I know God has a special plan for you and for you, here on Earth or up in Heaven. But for now, I am asking to be selfish, so I am asking Him for the plan to start here for you, with me and with our family. So fight this, push through and come home. 

As I go through your stuff, I remember things about you, I love to find fingerprints, memories of all sorts in between your things, you are so special! I know you know I am thinking these things about you. 

My hope is not gone, my faith is not decreasing, I know there is a way forward. 

I am sometimes lonely

 The reality is that I am sometime lonely as well. I feel sometimes that my marital status defines me and that no one takes me seriously as I am not married. But at the same time then I feel like, people do not actually expect to see me married anymore. So is this true?

Are they right? The thing with marriage is that it needs to happen at an early age, or otherwise people seem to think that something is wrong with you, that you are not smart enough, not beautiful enough, not rich enough etc. 

You simply did not make the cut, or there is no demand for your offer. Is a painful thing actually. 

Also, if you are divorced, I think you are actually getting more respect, because it is only demonstrating that you once made the cut, but for some reasons, not necessarily related to you it did not work. 

So what are all the never married people in their 40's supposed to do to fit in, and to be understood? 

I think the answer to this question, is they need to enjoy life, party and have occasional relationships with the opposite sex, or even longer relationships if is the case. 

But what should never married Christians in their 40's do? that is a total different story! there is no recipe for them. They are misfits in all categories. In the non Christian clubs they look like virgins or reformed loosers, that do not know what life is and how to enjoy it, so they are not really a company that is being appreciated. 

In the church environment, they are also the outcasts, cause they are the ones that never made the cut, and some people actually believe that they are not really able to fulfill the purpose of God in this world. 

So in all of this how are we supposed to manage our loneliness?

Well I think, it is not always easy, but there are ways to cope with loneliness while you are in your 40's, and I can share some of the practices that I use: 

- Prayer and meditation - (this applies even when you are in a relationship or married) - I find that praying and meditation helps you be focused on things that are eternal, rather than things that happen here in this material world, so I almost always end my time of solitude feeling grateful and content

- Practicing gratefulness - it is now for a couple of years or more that I practice gratefulness by writing reasons daily. In any form, hand written, or xl or word files, jars with notes, or notebooks with notes are really a good way to start the day and count your blessings

- New hobbies - being it reading, sports, riding a bicycle or anything else a hobby will make you feel valuable and will keep your energy levels in the right place. It will also improve the release of happiness hormones', so periods of sadness can be fewer and with minimum impact 

- Family time - spending time with the members of your family is also a very good way avoid feeling lonely. You can have one evening for games, or movies or you can simply share a meal and enjoy each other companies. Physical touch in the family environment is highly recommended, so do not fear to hug your family! 

- Friends time - developing a network of close friends and acquaintances it is also a key to cope with loneliness. So try to connect with new people with every opportunity you get, and also try to work for your existing relationships. 

- Self care - sometimes pampering yourselves gives you a pleasant feeling of simply being attractive and beautiful, and that state of mind will be giving you a lot of benefit when feeling lonely 

These are some thoughts around how to deal with loneliness, in a time where we are lonely, as the pandemic is ongoing. We need to start to love ourselves more, and appreciate the time that we spend in intimacy with God, and with our loved ones. 

A bit disappointed

 The situation is pretty much the same. We are unable to cope that well with the uncertainty anymore, we feel stress and worry, and we are frustrated because we do not get information, the ones that we would like to get. 

They told us you are a bit better at the beginning of the year, and we were very happy about that, grateful we got to see you once again, and send you small tokens so that you know we are thinking about you. 

But honestly, this is hard, and if it is hard for us, it means for you is significantly harder. I hope that you are braver than us, and that you are not giving into all the feelings that this separation can give. 

I pray every day for you, and for your physical and mental state, i hope you are strong and you remain strong. We want you home with us, and we want to take care of you, and to have you alive in the house for many more years ahead. 

Please fight this fever and all the rest, so that this can happen. I know is hard what I am asking, and you for sure tired, and you want to give up, but please don't do that. Not just yet. Please push through and fight this, and recover. You still have to live your life and see many things. 

We still have to experience things together as a family, and we do not want to do that without you. 

You are so much loved by everyone, and everyone wants you home, to be able to visit you and enjoy a coup of coffee with you. 

Never forget that you are so loved, by God and by each of us. 

I am praying and I am hoping that I ll get to have more days with you! 

You need to keep the same hope! 

Review of the New Year

 With all that is going on, it seems like I have little time to write some good things that happen in my life, cause I am usually focused on the situation at the hospital and trying to connect with the things that are happening due to that particular event. 

But I want this post to be a post about the New Year's eve, that was interesting and unexpected. Originally it was to be a lonely evening, just relaxing with family and pets, then we had some guests that offered to spend sometime with us, and it was really nice, so we kind of took the offer, but it was suppose to be a small gathering, only with close friends of the family. 

But indeed the plans you make are not always the actual things that happen, and so very last minute some few friends joined the "party", and it turned into a regular New Year's type of evening, with many people, for the size of the house, and with a poker night. 

It was really nice to see the people showing up, for the right motives I hope, and I managed to relax and to enjoy the evening, and also I had very good hands in poker, so I was really excited. 

They say that with whom you spend the New Year's eve with the same you will spend the year, so I am curious to see what will happen, and how this group will continue to meet, and to mingle. 

Not to say that I would like to be more connected with them, and to get to know them better. 

First days of 2022

 Initially i thought that when the clock will tick 00:00 in the New Years Evening, we will all realize that this was a nightmare, and that you are at home with us, and we are all ok. But it is not, and now in the first days of the New Year, you are still not here with me!

It was a strange New Year from all perspectives! Firstly because we did not have you around, and instead i was here, at home, when I was not home for the past 10 years or so. Also we had some unexpected guests, which was a surprise of the evening, and I am still curious about some things regarding these visitors. 

All in all it was really nice, not to be alone, but to be in good company. We had a good time, but we were thinking of you, and we knew that something, someone was missing from the celebration. 

It is a new year, 12 moths, 365 days of choices, cause every day is about the choice we make! 

So I do not want to have some amazing resolutions, about what I will do, and where will I go, and whom will I meet etc, I just want to take this decision today, that I will try to be more aware of the fact that everything I do I choose to do that, and not do things that I am unclear if the choice I took is not the "right" one, based of course on my judgement. 

I want to have an ALIVE 2022, one year where I can experience new things, and old things as well, one year where I can do something new, and confront my fears, one year in which I choose God, over anything else. 

I am confident, faithful, and sure on His faithfulness and love. I am His beloved, and I need to start living accordingly! 

Happy New Year!