August Rush

Is almost August, time is passing so fast, and you can only look back, as forward is the unknown
The unknown is something scary, and this is why I find it easier to look back, evaluate and create short stories on how it would  have been, if that would have happened or not.
Maybe I am the only one doing that, sometimes it helps me and sometimes not.
They say you can share you frustrations, and the things that make you happy. Are we all doing that?
How real are we on a day to day basis? Are we really real? or we are just adapting based on the people we interact with?
What is regret?
Do I have regrets?
Why I have regrets?
and the story and questions can go on, and on
I am hoping that more people feel the same about these questions, it would be really strange to be the only one.
Once again I found my place, and once again is the wrong place. Why? why do i choose the wrong things for myself?
Question remains open for the month of August 

And here we are - Happy Birthday ...to ME :)

Almost there.....3 hours - countdown

They say I need a detailed and in depth conversation with myself. Is this true?
Do i need to look inside again and again?
I would need to face again this monster which is sadness? Maybe I should see a doctor, cause this sadness is not right, I should be happy, dreams are setting down, everything is working fine, but still I feel an empty space in my body and in my heart.
I feel a void and I am not sure what I need to fill it in...maybe is love, God, attention, care ? what????

Every year around my birthday i get a little bit sad, but now, this year feels like the worst of them all. I feel like i am alone, i have no real friends, I just have people around me, people that use me for various things, and that s it.
Is this feeling normal? Am i the only one having it?
The strange part, is that I am not able to cry, i think this is something that could help me, just have a moment, of crying.
I was reading yesterday evening, an article, where it was mentioned that people who suffered a trauma, will have repercusions throughout their lifes, Is this the case with my life?
I really can not put in the past what happened to me, to us?
You never realize how much something hurt untill sometime after, for me is 14 years and i feel it now, differently than I ever  did. Maybe that is the rootcause, that is the source of all what is happening now.
No, i am not having dark thoughts, i think that I am an optimistic person, but am i? Or I m just encouraging myself to be? cause that s what everyone expects from me?

 Well this was a discussion, between me , myself and I, and it helped, a little,

Will help more,
All will heal,
Heart, Body and Soul.
I sure believe this, and i know there is a Healer who is taking care of me. The problem is that is is coming towards me, and i run slowly but i run from Him. I need You , I need You badly. You are what can fill the void inside me, You are the center of my life, and that should bring me happinnees, cause I ll leave for ever with You
Help me, help me find myself again, and make me run back to You, cause Lord There is None like You!