New life

Time here is very interesting. Sometimes is passing so fast that I feel like i do not have enough minutes and hours to do whatever i would like to do, but sometimes is running so slow that I have so many minutes and hours to think about the things that I usually do not like to think about.
I m not sure how should it be. Perhaps i just need to let myself think about those things and then move on.
Anyway, life here is slowly getting in a good shape, and it is not correlated with material stuff. Seems like i am more mature now. When i first reached Lublin and i was alone, i was investing a lot in material stuff, such as furniture, animals, clothes or even food. Now while i m here i do not feel this need anymore. Perhaps is the freedom feeling i get when i just drive away in my car, and that s why i do not feel i need anything else. Not sure but i am grateful for this. It is a good thing.
my social life is no longer the one it use to be, but this is not that bad. Because my spiritual life has significantly improved. I have now time to sit and talk to God in the morning and in the evening, i ve learned a bit more about prayer, and i can say i ve started to practice some things regularly. It feels nice.
I am also investing in reading. I am trying to read as much as i can from various subjects. I feel like i am good here. It s a good feeling for now from a personal perspective.
Professionaly is not yet the story of my life but i m sure it will be.

i miss them though, i miss my family, dogs and friends, and as well the things that i have in my new house, and my house itself. it s not that hard always, but sometimes you just wake up with that feeling of missing your dear ones.
plus i am still in healing process from a personal perspective, so i need sometime to figure that out as well
time i have, and quietness.
i will be a better listener after this year
or maybe more years, only He knows

:) 

Over and out

Good to be back in front of a blank page. What was more tough is gone now. Things have been clarified. Lots of emotions when spring is arriving. The situation now is much more clearer. I am not fully accepting it, but is a work in progress situation. I was longing for a different answer, i was longing for another option, but this did not happen. And for sure is for the best. Looking at myself with a critical eye, i am not fully ready for what can happen. And i need to continue with this preparation.
At the same time  on the other side the situation is blurry as well, not ready there as well. In such situations the first option is the most secure one, and the easiest one.
Being in Bucharest is awaking all my feelings. While I was in Cluj with friends and family my feelings were in a latency phase, very softly reminding my heart and my soul of something.
Here instead, i experience joy differently, i experience sadness and loneliness in a very different way.
And i kind of like it, as it give me time for a more in depth introspection.

I am overall well, i am content. I have the privacy i ve always wanted, i am able to do whatever i want and when i want. I am able to talk to God with a loud voice in the morning and in the evening.
I can leave my things all over in the house, and i ll find them in the exact same place.

I like this kind of living. i like the freedom i get.
It is a good day for science and will be a good period here in Bucharest.

career wise i m not really happy, and i m not sure what will happen next, but God is in control and he will set up the right framework for me.

:)

7 years

7 years in the same company today. An amazing journey and a great career so far. But the real question for me is when do you say stop? when you just stop and change job or build a family?
7 is a special number for those in my family, i would like to do something special in this area.
I am currently open to what will come, as I feel that growing here is not making so much sense now. I feel like i am drowning towards the exit. This is something normal that happens to me. From time to time before the finish line i just crash, as i do not have more energy to move further.
Now i am also not in a great period, but i am trying my best.
Still no communication is happening on all medias and i m not sure what happened?
what is it that i did that i m being punished like this?
5 long days in which nothing happened, from every minute to 5 days, is not such a easy quest.
I am wondering if only for me is not so easy.
Perhaps for other people is very handy this break, as they have found a replacement imediately.
Was i used again like i am always being used?
and once the situation has improved i m being dropped on the floor like a piece of unused material.
I need to get out from this situation and this feelings, as they are not helpful at all.
Be brave! i am trying so hard to be, i am staying close to You Lord, please do not let me fall again.

Oh in the end Happy Birthday!

Happy Easter everyone!

Easter one of the biggest Christian holidays, and now is over.
Time passes so fast, is like you do not get enough time to do whatever you feel like doing. And here i mean introspection and thinking about life and yourself.
This Easter is the first one in Bucharest, once again new location no family and no friends. Not an easy or pleasant way to spend holidays. But still it was a blessed time, as I ve managed to enjoy myself and reconnect with God. I had a good time  thinking and introspecting into my soul, feelings and fears. I watched a movie as well yesterday, and the lady in this movie was taken to see her deepest fears. A question was raised in my mind: Which are my biggest fears? that should be a good subject for introspection. What am I most afraid off?
I am an extrovert, or people just say so, but then why i feel sometimes that i need to lock myself in and never get out? Is this some kind of break that i need? is this because of my various complex's?
I am not sure , and i am not even sure that there is an answer to this, and if there is, do i really want to know it?
Maybe this is how depression starts, with small breaks from people, with taking time alone, and then while you look inside yourself you realize....you re sad.
I m not like that, i do not want to be like that. Depression is not something for me. It will not get me at all. I am praying for this.
But coming back on Easter, I had a long drive from Bucharest to Valea Prahovei, and we went up to see the mountains, it was a very nice experience, fast one as I would have liked more time in isolation, just admiring God's creations.
I have just a couple of pictures as a reminder, for this experience:

The real issue here is that I miss him a lot. And i was not aware i have this dependency and it s affecting me so much. I am taking a small break to see how do I feel without him. But being apart and not communicating is not easy, and I do not like it.
It s a constant subject in my prayers, it will get easier as days are passing by.
And if it is harder i know it might be harder for both, and then we shall be triggered into acceptance or something else.
Every time I go away something like this happens. I should be used by now ;)
Happy Easter!

Born again - 4 years 03rd April 2015

And now I am 4 and i m learning so many things. Time passes so fast, but there is one thing which is not changing. He is the same and will be the same from now until forever.
My 4th birthday was a very special one, had the chance to be in good company and talk about love and God's love, things that made me feel much more appreciated and close to Him.
I ve wanted to spend a bit more time in prayer, but i did not happen like this.
Other than that was a really blessed day.
I am silently waiting, I know for what, but I am waiting. I m not sure if what i want is for me, or it is not, and i ll learn the hard way that it is not. Deep inside my soul i am waiting for this train like there no other available anymore.
What do i do?
The tracks are getting older, and i m not sure what to do.
This train suits the tracks perfectly and that is why i m so keen to get it.
This was my prayer for my 04th Birthday, I hope that He will indulge me in this.