1 year ...since you are not with us

 Is it something that we are celebrating? I would say it is a commemoration of 1 year since you are not with us. You left us too soon, and our hearts are still suffering from longing to see you and to be in your presence. 

You were so loved. Both of us we really loved you, and perhaps we did not show it well enough or strongly enough, but there is no doubt that you were the center of our earthly lives. 

And now, for the past 365 days it feels like we are running in circles without knowing exactly what to do next, and how our lives will look like further. 

I hope you are well wherever you are! I hope that all the pain is now gone, and your soul is resting. Selfishly I would like to believe that you are watching us or that at least you are thinking about us, but perhaps this is just nonsense. It is a nonsense that help us think about you and smile. 

You were one of the most beautiful persons inside and out. I am nowhere close to what you were, but i would like to be. I miss you saying hello, saying you loved me so much, encouraging me over and over again. I have no one who is doing that for me. You saw me perfect. But i was not even close to perfection, generally and more specifically in the relationship with you. 

And still...you loved me more and more each day. That is faith in action, that is love, the one kind of love that you had for me and for us. 

I celebrate you my dear, i celebrate your life and your character, your personality and your heart. I love and i will love you forever! 

With time this will become easy, but to be honest not sure if I want it to be easier. I just want to remember you and to talk to you, and to miss you. It is impossible for me not to miss you after how much i loved you and how important you were to me. 

You still are, and in a way I am longing to be with you where you are, so that we could be together again. 

Love you sis, to the moon and back...and even further! 

Happy New Year! Welcome 2023!

 A bit later than usual. I would like to say that I am late because I was so busy in doing some amazing things, but actually I am just late because I caught a cold and it is taking longer than expected to recover. However, it is always nice to start writing on a white sheet, and specially in a new year. 

2023 you are here! And you deserve to be welcomed with all the energy that I can! Welcome 2023! Please be gracious to us. 

After a 2022 that almost knocked me down off my feet, here comes 2023, that catches me sick and numb to a certain extend. 

My heart is becoming colder and colder, and maybe this is the process that happens while you age, or this is what sadness is doing to a very warm heart. Sadness...I have now learnt to live with it better. 

10 more days to go till the most difficult moment of last year. The moment in which I had the chance, although I did not wanted to experience loss, and that feeling is still with me since then. 

So what I am doing this year? I am counting , counting stars you would like to me to say, but that is not the case. 

I will be counting the small numbers of friends that I have, the calories that I had, the relaxation moments that I had, the kilos of weight that I lost (i hope), the months of pain, but also the months of joy, excruciating hope and glimpses of happiness. 

Happiness is not just in one thing or in one person, it is in all the small things that happen around me, and that I have time to notice. 

Time is very important, I want to take a note about this, I want to pause and reflect, time is an asset, mind change needed. 

Expectations from 2023? None. Only intentions. 

Intentions to live a full life, a life of things that make it life. 

With gratefulness ...Welcome 2023!!!