Almost here

I feel like is coming onto me, this sadness and everything related to it. I might burst in tears and not knowing it. I am looking forward speaking with her today, and understand what is going on.
I have a cat, her name is Blue, and this should bring me joy more than worry. I think I m not really a common person, I have too much responsibility on my shoulders, or better I add too much responsibility on my shoulders, like for example with this kitten.
It should be very simple, so why am I complicating it?
I should enjoy more, having such a kitty and a pleasant company and worry less.
I wish I knew how to do that, perhaps practice is the answer.

Determination

Seems like I am not a determined person, or at least I fell like I am not.
I am not able to keep a simple day to day plan to improve the quality of my life.
What does this say about me? That I am weak, I do not have the discipline, or the power to take the right decisions for me.
I do not have power to say NO, to basic things. How can I expect anything good to happen from this ? I need to find a balance, I need to start over. I have it anyway. So at least I should fight it while I can.
Maybe there will be no impact, there is no cure for this, but at least I am doing something against it , not only accepting the failure.
I need to restart, more courageous than ever.