Sometimes it gets me. Like all people, I end up after some terrible difficult work days, I end up tired, and maybe sad and disappointed. So what is the source of all that disappointment? Is it real? Or it is it composed from all the little things that happened during the day: less water, less breaks, less fresh air...no wonder that at the end of day, is just me and my two screens for work, and then I say I live.
What is life? What does it mean to be alive? Do I need to feel my soul or what? I have good days and bad days like any human being, and that's ok, but what do you do when you realize that the bad days start overcoming the good days? What is the plan then?
Funny thing this crosses my mind. I keep saying that I am well, and that I am happy, and that all is well? But is it all ok ? Am I truly ok? or I am pretending so well, that I am now not able to see the truth.
What do other people think? Or what do they see? Well this answer is pretty simple, they see exactly what you show them. If is the happy face you show them, they will say, yeah she is ok, but if you dare to show them the sad face, than is like many thoughts will be shared, thoughts not asked for, but just from the need of people to snap you with their ideas: that you need to rest, that you do not have enough friends, that you do not have enough money, and they can go on and on with what is wrong with you...so then I ask...why would we start sharing all of that with people?
What is the point of being honest in a world where even your close friends, seem like they are brothers with the enemy, and where they want you to make a mistake so that they can rejoice...
Is exactly like this girl I know is saying...: whenever my grandmother trips and falls, I laugh! She does not help her, she does not panic, she does not feel the fear that her grandmother can be hurt, she just laughs at the burden of someone else.
Sad story, but if we are to be honest, our first tendency is the same, to laugh at the person who struggles, to mock her/him, to ignore the real pain, because ...guess what....this might make us feel our pain.
So...perhaps that is why I am here right now, perhaps I have been avoiding for so much time seeing the pain in others, and covering that pain in pink sparkle, and now, when I actually see it, and when sometimes I even feel it, when in the middle of a pandemic you can feel that you are surrounded by so many negative feelings....anger, hate, fear, sadness...how can you be?
2020 and 2021 are years that we will all remember, at least those of us who will live to tell the story. They will be years, when even at our greatest moments, we are still not seeing the cruel reality. Outside our safe homes, and our safe hearts, people are dying, from a disease that no one can control.
No wonder than, that today, just today I am having a bad day, a day when all that is going on in the world, and even in my close world is not so good.
But there is hope...tomorrow is a new day, and something good will come along, for sure. In the smile of a child, in the walk of an aged person, in the birth of a baby, in the happiness of a dog, in the snuggle of a cat, in the smell of a flower, in the sunrise, in the sky, in the rain....and mostly in all the people that we are surrounded by.
Have faith, tomorrow is not out of the Mighty Hand.
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