3 years without you!

 Time flies, this is how I start almost all of my posts, after a long period of being silent on this blog. Why was I silent? Perhaps because there is not much left to be said, or perhaps I am just tired of writing for no one else to read. 

But this time, I need to write, i felt it in my heart that I can not let this occasion slip away. 

And the occasion is nothing to celebrate in particular, is rather the contrary, is an occasion to talk about grief, and about missing my dear one. 

36 months have passed, 3 long years without you in our lives. I think about you every single day I guess, and some days even more than once per day. I still do not know how times goes so fast, and how 3 years have passed since you gave your last breathe. 

Know this dear sister, we loved you so much, and i am sure other people did as well, but when I talk about our mother and I, we loved you to the sky and more. I think somehow you were the center of our lives, the point to which we always came back, the point we both fought to keep safe and protected. 

And to a certain level, I am sure we both feel, we failed miserably to do that. 

In life, we are not able to to choose what is best for us. We do not choose the priorities right. Because we do not set them correctly. Instead of putting family as a priority we put money, instead of time spent well with people who care for us, we spend time with people that will forget us, the moment they found someone better, more interesting etc. 

Why do we do that? 

At times I felt like when the time was to spend more time with you, I needed to focus on material wellbeing, and that ate my life , ate my time to spend with you. Now i have a roof over my head, i have some money, more than I need, I have all the material things I once wished for, but I do not have you. 

Is such a hard thing to process, and to accept. 

Today I want to honor your life. I want to honor the influence you had on me, the things you put into my heart and my mind, that no one knows about. I am honored to have been your sister my dear one. 

I am what I am today, because I had you to lean on in the most difficult times. I sacrificed some things for our life, but i think you sacrificed far more. 

I know you loved me, so much, and you cared for me, almost like a mother, I did the same at a certain point. The three of us are the strangest family ever. Each of us suffering and arguing for the sake of the other. We loved one another so deeply and so specially, and now the chain feels /is broken. 

One important part is missing. 

Sister, I am reading a lot, about things, about God, about the Afterlife, and I truly hope that you are in a better place, that nothing is hurting you, that you have some sort of visibility over us to know and feel how much you were loved, and I hope the promise of being reunited is true, and I will get the chance to be with you again, in a new place, much more beautiful, and a place where love will prevail. 

My dear loving sister, I end this letter, with a bitter sweet taste, but with the peace in my heart, that I know how special our bond is/was. 

You will be in my heart for ever! I love you endlessly!