The crises of commitments!

 Needs are what we require for living an essentially human life. Desires are what we require for living a pleasurable life. 

4 things we all need in order to be a functioning human being:

1. Survival needs: what we need to keep our body and spirit together. 

2. Moral needs: what we need to keep a sense of our personal integrity. 

3. Power needs: what we need to take responsibility for our own lives.

4. Spiritual needs: what we need to relate to God in gratitude and love. 

As for desires, the field is wide open. We can want what is good for us. We can want what is bad for us. We might want what other people think anyone would be crazy for having. We might want what almost everybody else wants. Wanting things is a terrific energy; it makes for exciting relationships. 

But if we confuse our desires with needs, and if our desires get in the way of the other person's needs, we have a conflict on our hands. 

Basic rules for settling conflicts between needs and desires: 

1. Desires give way to needs: If getting what I want prevents you from getting what you need, I give up what I want so that you can meet your needs. 

2. Needs do not give way to desires: If getting what I needs prevents you from getting what you want, I do not give in to your desires. 

3. Desires are negotiable: If getting what I want prevents you from getting what you want, we negotiate; neither of us surrender, both of us compromise. 

4. Needs are negotiable. If getting what I need prevents you from getting what you need, we negotiate as equals, from strength to strength; we compromise our less basic needs so that both of us can meet our more basic need.